just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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