Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
