is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
