i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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