I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
