If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
