I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
