Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
