Already got asked if we're dating
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
