my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
