i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
