explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize