HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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