I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
