were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
