Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
