Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
