I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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