Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
