Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
