When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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