The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
