And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
