if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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