Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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