Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
