Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
