You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize