watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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