Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
