So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize