I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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