he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
