i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
