Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize