I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
