Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I look better un-naked...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
