he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize