Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
