I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
