My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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