is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
