I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
