You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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