So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
