Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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