come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize