i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
