Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
