I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
