i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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