I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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