I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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