dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
