So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
