he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
