duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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