Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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