best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
