Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
