i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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