Just fell off a train. Bad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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