how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize