so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
